Shari, Learning and Gardening

I have new people on my Facebook Friends and as usual I have to clear some things up. My wife has an issue that is funny and sad, so lets get this out in the open.

See, If I tell people her issue, they ask me why it matters. If I don’t say anything, they ask what is wrong with her. But 90% of the time, the reaction is always the same. They avoid her like the plaque.

See, she has Learning/Comprehension issues and is Socially Awkward. She is either quiet as Church mouse or says things that shouldn’t be said in Public.

Example #1:
At Church one day She booked up a book called “Liquid Devil”. She showed it to me in front of a group people and said, “You should read this as you drink way to much”.

Example #2:
At Church, in Bible study, I was picking on her under my breath. No one could hear what I was saying to her but she was getting pissed. The Pastor said, “Everyone that goes to heaven, gets to wear a gown of white”.
I whispered in her ear that it was obvious that she wasn’t going to be doing the laundry.
In a very loud voice she said, “AT LEAST I DON’T WATCH INTERNET PORN”. We didn’t go to that Church for months.

At least now I am prepared for these outbursts and plan ahead.

Doing chores and living skills is hard for her. She really tries to do a great job but with her comprehension and learning skills, it’s not happening.

She really tries to clean. She takes everything out of the bedroom and puts it in the living room. Then everything in the living room goes into the kitchen. If she runs out of room it goes into a box and thrown into the closet.

It’s real nice to have to take everything out of the closet because she buried the pans in the back of the closet instead of putting them where they belong.

If you holler at her , she won’t clean anymore. If you say, “You’re doing a great job”, She is done for the day. Even if the floor needs a cultivator and a leaf blower, she is done, screw you.

She does take care of the dogs though. They always have food and water. She always lets me know they need food after I say, “We have no more cash for the month”. Ive learned to stock up on food as she will give them my dinner before she feeds me.

But if you need a Loyal friend, she is the way to go. When we met she learned real quick that if she hung out with me, no one could mess with her. Trust me, when we first met, she was actually ANNOYING by following me everywhere. I didn’t ask her to, she just did.

She would come where I lived in the freezing 5 feet high snow and wait for me to get up. She was then at my hip all day. But that’s another story.

When she found out that Gardening equals food, she had to learn and try. I knew it immediately that I would have to step back and slow up to teach her.

To Shari, if it didn’t have a tomato, bean, Corn or carrot on it, it was a weed. When my collards, spinach and mustard greens came up, they were a weed and got pulled up. She has decimated more of my crops than any bug or rodent.

I now section off parts of the garden from her under a severe threat of an ass kicking.

When I am out in the garden, she brings me water and food all day long. She can’t comprehend to stay away from equipment.

One day, I was starting my cultivator (That wouldn’t start) and she came up behind me with a glass of water. I pulled the cord and my elbow whacked her in they eye.

She was so afraid that someone would think I did it on purpose. she ran and hid for a month if someone came over.

You can’t let her make rows in a garden as they will come out looking like NAZCA lines. You can give her a package of seeds and let her loose on a row and she will space them perfectly.

OMG! This is long so I will cut it short.

Shari enjoys me picking on her as she knows I am doing it in fun. She loves taking weird pictures and watching people’s reactions. She loves me making up stuff on why she just beat me up or is going to, just to watch people jump to her defence.

The truth is, most (but not all) posts I make are just for her amusement and to watch people’s reactions.

So take my comments with a grain of salt. Facebook allows Shari to be someone she can’t be.

And yes, she does do weird stuff now and then that isn’t normal. but we laugh and move on.

Like the time she put 5 varieties of garlic in one bag just before planting.

    • Mike